Celebrations

The poorest among mankind celebrate the gift of life and the bounty of Nature. In early January, the whole village celebrates Pongal in Tamil Nadu, South India and similar festivals all over the world depending on the harvest time. It stretches over four days, which become an island of joy, even if life is a stormy business. All old things are burnt in a huge bonfire. New clothes are worn. Overflowing joy and good fortune are celebrated by the Pongal pot of plenty which boils over with the rice and jaggery that will be eaten at the celebration.

The house is newly painted and decorated. There is a whole day devoted to cows. Their horns are painted and bodies decorated, and they enjoy a rest and good food. The last day is devoted to going out and seeing friends and relatives, watching movies and generally celebrating life.

The saying is that when Thai (following the mid January Harvest festival) is born, a way will be found to solve all problems. These celebrations lift you out of the trough of despondency. They fill you with the energy to make a new beginning with the help of God and the family

Power of Affirmations

The family is the magic circle where all wounds are healed and all dissonance melts into harmony. It is important to make sure you give affirmations to all members of the family, particularly the ones to whom you usually send devastating Heat Seeking Missiles (HSMs) like, ‘Why is your room like a pig sty?’ ‘Why do you always forget anything I tell you?’

Make every day an occasion to show how important your family is to you. Everyone talks of quality time nowadays. Once, a girl from Kuala Lumpur told me about her exciting marriage to a man from LA. ‘We have a really good time on holidays,’ she said. Another bright young yuppie from a major bank said her husband worked for the same bank in another city. ‘We meet on weekends and feel just like we did when we were dating!’ she said her eyes shining. Is this looked-forward-to weekend the antidote to the solid permanence and possible boredom of a traditional marriage? Are the constant travels away from each other the basis for the ‘open birdcage’ marriage to which the bird always returns from its travels?

Children however need the security of a simple, dependable schedule. Ambiguity or lack of dependability in family life is known to affect the individual’s capacity to live in a secure long-term relationship in the future.

Teenagers in the Family

This is a critical time when family can make all the difference. I remember the time my fourteen-year-old nephew came to me and said, ‘I want a ring in my navel.’ Being by then an experienced uncle of teenagers, I said, ‘Hey, I also want one. Let’s go to a hospital and get it done.’ My nephew was shocked. ‘Do you really want it too?’ he asked. When I nodded in the affirmative, he said he’d get his done later! The fact that an old man (at twenty-eight I was ‘old’ to him) wanted it, made it far less attractive to him.

This is a time of acne, broken hearts, a newfound interest in the opposite sex, in looks and clothes. ‘Only a mother could love him,’ a friend of mine said of her teenage son.

Many times as a parent, one just remains patient and hangs in there. And suddenly one day they are grown up.

The Five Senses and Happiness

          

            1. The smell of incense and home-food cooking.

            2. The taste of love and attention.

            3. The look of a newly swept yard with a kolam (design on the ground                    done created with rice flour)

            4. The touch of freshly washed and ironed bed sheets.

            5. The sound of contentment after a good

meal.

Spend More Time With the Family

Most working couples say `I wish I had more time at home’. If they cannot go home, can their homes come to them? A classic turn it upside down thinking tool. Can kids meet parents for a picnic or lunch at the office? Can couples plan business travel together? Can the office incorporate a Saturday kids’ day into its schedule to improve participation from the family. An open house for kids to see the world their parents inhabit.

In the family, creating a positive field, full of the positive emotion is critical.

The Supportive Circle of Family

Today, however, the family unit itself is under attack.

The breaking down of the joint family has led to a loosening of extended family relationships. The powerful mother­in­law of the joint family is emerging as the subdued caretaker of children, helping the educated daughter­in­law to augment the double income of all upwardly mobile young couples. The large, amorphous, supportive joint family that supported a wide variety of people, physically and otherwise challenged, has been reduced to the nuclear family where everyone is in sharp focus. Where there is no place to hide—much like the modern corporation, where there is no place for passengers, everyone has to pull his weight.

There should be one person who can be a shock absorber in the family. Someone who is not too busy to listen, to support, to manage the daily tasks of living. This could even be a paid caregiver or a cook. Networking is the key for working mothers. Networking with parents, in-laws, neighbours, domestic help and friends.

FAMILY BONDING

After the World Wars, many babies were orphaned. They were placed in state-run orphanages in the United Kingdom. They were kept warm and clean and fed at regular intervals. Suddenly many of the babies began to die of unknown causes. Scientists ascribed the reason for death to ‘lack of human touch, a lack of mothering.’ These deaths were caused by lack of hugging, fondling and nurturing. No one mothered the babies or spoke to them or sang to them. The children died due to lack of love.

The family provides the love and nurturing required for the survival of children. As we grow older, we crave nurturing, but are not adept at asking for it. We long for affirmation from the ‘significant other’ in our lives.

Affirmation is when important people in our lives say, ‘What I really like about you is ...’ They say it verbally, tonally, non­verbally. The opposite of an affirmation is a discount. You need at least ten affirmations for every discount for the maintenance of a healthy relationship. A home filled with discounts becomes a torture chamber instead of a sanctuary. Dr Dean Ornish says that men who feel that their wives love them are much more likely to reverse heart disease, than those who feel the opposite. The home can be the cause for disease. It can also be the safe sanctuary for healing and reversal of disease. Fill your home with affirmations, with positive strokes, with a peaceful atmosphere, a nurturing space that enhances prana, the life force. Laughter and smiles, compliments and hugs can create a powerful positive field in the home.

‘Family is the shock absorber of society, to which the bruised and battered individual returns after doing battle with the world,’ wrote Alvin Toffler in his landmark work ‘Future Shock’. The family provides unconditional love for the crippled, the old and the helpless. It heals the pain of failure and provides rest from the assaults of a cruel competitive world. Family dynamics can cause disease or reverse it

Affirmations for Personal Wellbeing

You are a powerhouse of potential. The great Michelangelo was once asked how he created great statues. Old and half blind, Michelangelo stood before a block of marble, scarred and muddy from the quarries of Carrara. He said quietly, ‘I have never created a statue. I just stand before a block of marble and study it with reverence. For I know that within every block of marble, there lies a statue, waiting to be liberated by the touch of the Master’s hand.’ Within each of us lies hidden a masterpiece waiting to be liberated by the magic touch of attention. Only you can do it.

Be your own ‘expert’. Do not build negative ideas about yourself through the comments of others. Your self-talk should be calm, happy and elevating. Choose to see and hear what is beautiful and encouraging. When you are wounded, learn to soothe yourself by using these affirmations.

(Sit with eyes closed and silently affirm)

By nature I am kind, gentle and loving.

Any mistake committed is unintentional and I forgive myself and others for it.

God’s grace has created a magic circle of love, a safe haven for me and my loved ones.

I am capable of achieving my goals with hard work and dedication.

I look around me for help and knowledge to reach my goals.

I seek companions who encourage and help me.

Happiness Bytes

The world is in your drawing room, it is clamouring to change your life with more and more sophisticated toys. As a popular jingle goes, 'What separates the men from the boys is just the price of their toys.’ Simplify and go home to what you really need.

The world is like a buffet counter at a five-star hotel. Let's not grab everything on our plates. Let us be choosy, so that we may avoid spiritual indigestion and physical exhaustion.

Let us replace stress with positive emotions that engender joy. Let us increase our HQ.

‘I felt like a waterfall,’ said Diane Roffe–Stainrotter, gold medallist skier in the 1994 winter Olympics. The joy of a job perfectly executed, fills the body with the chemicals of bliss.

Professor Mihalyi Csikzent speaks about a state called the flow, which athletes, musicians, surgeons—in fact everyone experiences when they are at their best. It is the experience of doing your job with total immersion in it. So absorbed are you, that there is no place for anxiety or niggling worries.

Finding a job you love is one of the ways you can immunise yourself against health problems. A good marriage is a protective shield against heart attacks.

The capacity to enjoy the free gifts of Nature—sunlight, rain or flowers starts the flow of the chemicals of bliss. It is in this gentle chemical bath that the body is able to replace dying and dead tissues. Merely avoiding negative emotions is not enough; one should consistently cultivate the positive emotions: love, compassion, courage and peace.

Stress is the epidemic of the new millennium. Protect yourself.

Stress and Health Care Systems

The indigenous health-care system is commensurate with the traditional habits, lifestyle and value systems of a particular culture from where it has evolved. The indigenous health-care systems cannot be effective if there is a radical change in the habits of that culture. This ‘patient-system-mismatch’ is very evident in the case of westernised Red Indians who have lost their traditional healing capacities. On the contrary, the Keralities, inspite of coming into contact with the western culture, have not themselves become westernised. They still value their tradition. Perhaps that is why their age-old habit of using a rather high cholesterol diet has not resulted in an increased incidence of heart disease. It is also interesting that the indigenous systems of medicine continue to have a stronghold in Kerala.

All health-care systems, including modern medicine are in agreement today over the issue that a patient’s psychological state has much to do with the healing process. Minor activities like taking part in a satsang, singing a tune you enjoy and dancing for fun to your child’s delight can make you feel contented and allow the good chemicals flow.

‘The chief role of the doctor is, by various means, to induce the body to recover its trust in the Supreme Grace,’ said the Mother from Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry, decades ago.

The contact of the patient with the physician and the system is only an occasion to awaken him to the touch of the healer within.

Meditation And Pranayama

The only way to break this pattern is to find a way to change the response to tough situations. There is of course no way to make the situations less tough. Meditation and pranayama, provide everyone with a way of reducing the automatic, violent reactions to stress. You can actually control autonomous systems like heart beat and pulse rate, which were thought to be outside the individual’s control. Knowing and practicing meditation can provide you with a silent space where you can retreat into peace: slow breathing, steady heartbeat, low pulse. This space is always available within a person who has learnt to meditate. While you cannot change your job, family or your life situation, you can certainly learn to breathe more peacefully, thus reversing the process of excitation and avoiding the emotional hijack. It is not possible to learn meditation by thinking about it, any more than it is possible to learn swimming by talking about it. If you have to swim, you have to get into the water. Learning mediation and understanding your breathing patterns through pranayama may be the best investment you ever made. In India, there is no excuse not to learn these things. Stress need not be a response to the pace of your life. You can learn a peaceful response that protects your body.

The Age of Biology

Harvey described the heart as a pump. This was a mechanistic view which indicated that if the heart ‘broke down’, it had to be repaired like a machine. It did not take into account that the heart is a living organism sensitive to feelings and can recreate itself. As Deepak Chopra writes, ‘The body is a river,’ a swiftly changing river, which can reinvent itself by replacing unhealthy tissues with tender new tissues at the cellular level?

Our understanding of human life and growth is becoming organic. Building a life is not like putting up a building, but more like growing a tree: slower, organic and evolutionary. It cannot be done in a hurry. Like Nature, human development in order to be healthy has to follow a slower, more stable timetable. Those who seek to speed it up beyond a point will have to pay the price. The price may be their own lives. Many have died to live up to some unrealistic modern myth of yuppydom and success.

Excerpts from 'The Happiness Quotient'

Replacing Autocratic Systems with Democratic Modes

The most obvious (relevant) shift in the workplace has been the unseating of the tough autocratic boss style. It is almost impossible to push a knowledge-worker. His contributions have to flow out of his deep involvement and knowledge of the subject. The army commander style is out. The ‘coach of champions’ is the style of leadership that works with intelligent young people who have choices. This is quite difficult for those managers who have been brought up in the old school of obedience and loyalty. A scenario of constant and accelerated change creates physical responses that lead to the inevitable development of clogged arteries.

Excerpts from 'The Happiness Quotient'

The Triumph of the Individual

In the modern corporation, there is no place for free passengers, only contributing members. Restructuring, re-engineering, shrinking profit margins have made the workplace increasingly intolerant of the unskilled and non-performing members. The only defence against the pink slip is personal excellence and constant growth. This can put a lot of pressure on the individuals. Flatter organisations celebrate individual performance. There is no place for anyone less capable to hide in the crowd. This can be a challenge. It could also be a test, which many will fail. Constant competition with peers can be very tiring. The only way out is innovation, through uniqueness, through entrepreneurship and intrepreneurship.

Alvin Toffler’s prediction of the electronic cottage (people networked and working from homes) and small office home office (SOHO) is becoming a more and more visible reality. The customer is no longer interested in mass produced products. He demands choices. No more Henry Ford promising, ‘You can have any colour car you want provided it is black.’ Paint companies allow you to even mix your own colours. This can be an opportunity and a treat depending on the entrepreneur’s attitude.

Maslow’s self-actualisation principle—the individual’s capacity to be transformed into the individual God created him to be—is a possible destination for all.

Einstein, Time magazine's ‘Man of the Twentieth Century,’ warns:

‘The concern for Man and his destiny must always be the chief interest of all technical effort. Never forget it among your diagrams and equations.’

The revolution of rising expectations, fuelled by the global perspective, provided by the media and internet creates unrelenting stress.

The Feminine Principle

Another interesting challenge today is for all human beings to develop the feminine principle. New leadership models require the development of the right brain, which is intuitive, holistic and creative. Most of these traits, along with nurturing and inter-personal skills, were previously relegated to a lower status in a predominantly macho world. The change in leadership styles required today, have made these very traits important. The Indian model of ‘ardhanareeshwarar’— a god who integrates the male and female elements in himself—is an ancient Vedic concept—follow the logic through.

The popular advertisement for Raymonds (the textile giant) shows the complete man as a man who can deal with a baby as comfortably as he can with a balance sheet. It shows someone who can laugh, and is not afraid to shed a tear. Accessing their feminine side is a challenge men today face to deal with the transition to a more humane model of leadership. Giving up the ‘stiff upper lip’ can be very liberating.

Excerpts from 'The Happiness Quotient'

Women and Stress

Indian women have moved into the workforce in an unmistakable wave. In modern societies today, many of them bear the dual burden of managing the home and a career. The infrastructure necessary to help them: crèches, dependable childcare, help from husbands, gadgets to make housework easier, is not yet in place. This generation of transitional women is at high risk from heart disease, particularly during the menopausal years. Statistics show that women have fifty per cent chance of dying of heart disease, ten times higher than their risk of dying of breast cancer.

The traditional shock absorber of the family, particularly in Indian families is the woman. Dual responsibilities have reduced her capacity to perform this role. Her ability to absorb and reduce tensions has been greatly compromised. The tensions building up in a nuclear family can have a negative impact on health. The two-income family brings an increased pay check, while insidiously increasing the risk factors for heart disease. Huge reserves of patience are required to cope with this new, changed family structure. Most do not have these reserves.

As women climb to higher levels of the corporate ladder, alternative strategies have to be found to maintain the nurturing capacity of the family. Only joint efforts by the couple and the involvement of elders and the extended family, or community support can adequately fill this gap. This is a never-discussed pressure-cooker situation, hazardous to health, lethal for the heart, building up in modern families.

The Global Economy and Stress

The current development of the global economy means that the 173 countries of the world will share a single market place. Demand and supply will respond to the compulsions of global competitiveness. Every country is eyeing the one billion strong Indian market and its fabled 250 million middle class. No company can escape the restructuring and blood-letting, the downsizing rampant today. The possibility of the pink slip stares every executive in the face.

It is being slowly realised that economic prosperity can lead to poverty in the quality of life and health. Is India gradually becoming a global back office with uninteresting, boring, repetitive jobs being dumped on us? The joy of craftsmanship is being replaced by the monotony of the assembly line.

This expanding global economy and the lethal workplace have created serious conflicts in the individual’s life. Many have to confront the question of how their values measure up against their need to own and have the world’s goodies.

Excerpts from 'The Happiness Quotient'

Workplace and Stress

Ambition and increasing peer pressure ensures the 'rat in a trap syndrome', where you are trapped into running faster and faster to stay in the same place. This note is dedicated to those involved in the daily rat race that life has become. It will help you avoid the ill effects of a fast-track career in today's competitive environment. It will focus on innovative approaches to de-stress, both on an individual and group levels.

Work follows us everywhere. The blurring of work and leisure has intensified in this era of twenty-four-hour access, when the computer is just a fingertip away and the Blackberry and the cellphone are as intimate as a heartbeat. The delicate tissues of the body are constantly awash in the lethal chemical bath of chronic stress. Interactive electronic devices have made stress continuous. Home is no longer a refuge.

I was talking to one of the brilliant young men in a fast-track company. He said, ‘No one takes you seriously if you leave office before nine pm. The fellow who stays on till twelve pm to answer his last email, received at 11.45 pm from the boss in the US, is a winner. The fact that he had an auto accident going home makes him a corporate hero!’

Excerpts from 'The Happiness Quotient'

 

Workplace and Stress

Ambition and increasing peer pressure ensures the 'rat in a trap syndrome', where you are trapped into running faster and faster to stay in the same place. This note is dedicated to those involved in the daily rat race that life has become. It will help you avoid the ill effects of a fast-track career in today's competitive environment. It will focus on innovative approaches to de-stress, both on an individual and group levels.

Work follows us everywhere. The blurring of work and leisure has intensified in this era of twenty-four-hour access, when the computer is just a fingertip away and the Blackberry and the cellphone are as intimate as a heartbeat. The delicate tissues of the body are constantly awash in the lethal chemical bath of chronic stress. Interactive electronic devices have made stress continuous. Home is no longer a refuge.

I was talking to one of the brilliant young men in a fast-track company. He said, ‘No one takes you seriously if you leave office before nine pm. The fellow who stays on till twelve pm to answer his last email, received at 11.45 pm from the boss in the US, is a winner. The fact that he had an auto accident going home makes him a corporate hero!’

Excerpts from 'The Happiness Quotient'